Blog Post #8
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
Emily Benvenga
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I loved this talk. So interesting it was recorded so long ago, and still so, so relevant.
Two things I really want to work on are:
1. Go with the flow...I related to what she said about something pops into your mind and then you don't want to forget it, so you focus on it and then lose the flow of the conversation. I think just repeating the mantra "go with the flow" will help me let those pop up thoughts just move along!
2. Don't equate my experiences with theirs...I have recently heard about this being a problem when communicating with others. I think sometimes I have thought that sharing your experience may come off as relatable and/or lessen like the embarrassment of a story of it was embarrassing for the teller...but I am realizing that just listening and letting the speaker have their feelings is actually more supportive.
Sometimes after school I have so much to do to get ready for the next day and then other teachers come to talk and I need to learn to stop what I am doing and listen! I am guilty of continuing my work and trying to listen and work at the same time and that is not good! Put the work down and take a minute to listen. I love to come to school early in the morning when there are no distractions and I can motor through a ton of work.
ReplyDeleteI hope I am not guilty of saying to someone, I know how you feel when someone dies.. it is not about you it is about them. I try to be very conscience of this and hope I don't do that.
I really try to listen to my first graders, even after the 12th Thanksgiving break story. There are always those who have a story everyday and some who very seldom tell you anything. I try to make a point to ask those students how their break was and that makes them feel very special too!
Life is so hard and being a teacher is a hard job too! Trying to meet the needs of your students and teach them the best that you can and then be a fun staff member.... that is a lot! We can do it, we can and we can love it everyday too!!! I sure do!
What a great speaker! She conveyed so much information with short examples in such a concise yet humorous way without there being a hint of condensation. Her openness, enthusiasm and authenticity had my full attention. Things I'd like to better with are: listening, going with the flow, staying out of the weeds and being brief. I'd want to do these things with all three groups: students, parents, and colleagues. I'd like to better listen to understand instead of with the intent to reply. This would mean to multitasking while the conversation is going on and being fully in the moment. It can be a bit like Pavlov's dogs when it comes to hearing a ping from our phones, computers, and other distractions. Using open-ended questions is definitely a better way to come to understand others better. I can and do end up in the weeds and end up rambling a bit. If I'm off in the weeds, I'm probably dragging them right along with me instead of sticking with the flow so we can communicate better.
ReplyDeleteI want to apply all of these! So many great things she talked about. Great speaker!
ReplyDeleteBeing a preschool teacher is hard sometimes because they want your full attention and I lose sight of that sometimes. My goal is to be more present with my students. They need my full attention. With their parents, I want to ask more open-ended questions. With my colleagues, I want to be brief and not repeat. I want to listen, not just state my thoughts and opinion.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteThings I'd like to plan on incorporating in conversations w/my students/parents/colleagues: listening, staying out of the weeds, and being brief. "True listening requires setting aside of oneself" If you give people a chance to speak, you will often be surprised with the response! This is why introverts (and more quiet students) are so misunderstood. It's easy to get off track and start talking about things that are irrelevant or potentially offensive, and losing the point of the conversation. Be direct and concise. Being brief is hard especially when we have a trauma response of over-explaining because so many have not tried to understand us/or disregarded our experience. If we are brief - we can always follow up later. No one has the time of day to listen to a rambling story or question with an indirect request.
I feel that each of the ten ways are very important.... I find myself thinking of listening (or maybe not listening) to my husband. Oops! All of these points are very good. Being a good listener is so important so I would agree that listening is definitely the most important and would be beneficial with students, parents, and colleagues.
ReplyDeleteFor students I would say that multitasking while they are talking is something I should work on. My class this year is full of stories and I really should put my full focus on to what they are saying so I can get a better understanding of who they are and what they truly need.
With parents I would like to work on trying not to repeat and being brief. I don't have a lot of time to talk with parents especially at conferences. I think it is important for them to hear all of the great things their kids can do but maybe only mention the really big concerns that can't just be addressed in the classroom on my one. Also not repeating myself because I am nervous or trying to fill the quiet space. They have better things to do than to listen to me say the same thing over and over.
For the staff I work with I find myself hearing them until it reminds me of something or a question. I need to be able to just listen and go with the flow. I don't need to ask a million questions or put in my two cents. I just need to be present, attentive, and listen.
I tend to multitask quite often in my current position, but really focus on being an active listener. i catch myself sometimes and have moved away from my computer next to the student or staff member to eliminate the urge to multitask. Don't equate their experiences with yours, I know sometimes we feel like we want to relate to the person who is sharing with you but as the TED talk explained all experiences are individual and there is a time and place to be relatable. I always feel that being "brief" is so important and I am constantly working on that:)
ReplyDeletestudents: Number one for my students. I am the multitasking queen and I really need to take a step back and be an active listener when it comes to my students.
ReplyDeleteparents: Using open-ended questions. I feel I will gain a lot more knowledge about my students if I do this- they know their kids best!
colleagues: I need to try listening to my colleagues experiences more, instead of butting in and telling them mine. Again, listening is key.
With both colleagues and students I’m going to try not to be so caught up with what my response is going to be when someone else is talking and listen 100% on absorbing what they are saying. I feel myself doing this a lot, not because I don’t care what they’re saying but when I get a thought in my head, I don’t want to lose it so I continue to think about it. This causes me to sometimes not hear what the other person is saying at all, which is not what I want to happen. I’ve been in conversations where the other person has done this and it did not make for a great conversation so I’m going to train myself to not do the same to others.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned this in my last blog post, but I really do need to improve my listening. I'm always quiet and respectful when hearing someone, but I'm not sure I am fully listening to understand and support. Sometimes it's easy to listen to respond instead. I shouldn't always jump in with advice or comments. This will help with my coworkers and students, but I feel like it'll also benefit my family.
ReplyDelete“10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteI really like when she said ALWAYS assume you have something to learn. I am really going to try to incorperate this into my conversations with EVERYONE. Sometimes as adults we assume that we know more than kids or that they cant tell us anything new, BUT, sometimes this is not true. So I am going to work harder on assuming I have something to learn from every person I am talking to, because, I probably do. When you can learn from everyone, you can grow into a better more understanding person.
Oh, this one hit home too. I have adhd, I am medicated but didn't get know I had it until age 44. I would always over share, interrupt, all the things. Even know being medicated it is still hard to be vigilant to not do that.
ReplyDeleteI now understand why we do that and why it is so hard to control but I think back to so many conversations I had in the past and how terrible my manners were.
There were lots of tips and tricks I will be taking into my classroom and life in general but the ones that stood out the most were, just LISTEN. Do not do a thing more, simply give them and the subject your full undivided attention. It is so hard to not multitask as a teacher, but I think that advice she gave was one of the best pieces of advice ever. Do not multitask, go all in and listen and be AMAZED.
The next would be the "Oh, when I ...." Again, ADHD struggles but I think in my mind I am always trying to have them understand how much I empathize and how I truly know the struggle. However, having learned this from Celeste I will be vigilant to not do that. I completely see why we should not. I loved this one, amazing how much self growth we can also get from these book studies. :)
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteWith my students, I sometimes find myself trying to multitask while they are talking to me. I plan on getting better at stopping what I am doing to be fully present in the conversation so my students don't feel like I am brushing them off or not fully interested in what they have to say.
With parents, I will try to be brief and to the point when I make phone calls home in regards to their child. I will cut right to the chase and let them know exactly what is going on without taking up unnecessary amounts of their time. Parents are just as busy as I am and I need to remember that.
When I interact with colleagues, I sometimes find myself wanting to share stories that are similar to what they are sharing with me. I realize now it is important to just listen to what they have to say and not try to project my experiences onto theirs. They are sharing their story with me because they want me to listen; not try to one up them!
I think the most important one that sticks out to me is to not multitask. It is so easy to peek at your phone quick if it goes off while someone is talking, or as a teacher to glance at your computer screen as an email comes in to see who it is from. Just those quick glances might not seem like much to the listener but to the person you are having the conversation with it shows a lot. I know I am guilty of this because I "think" I can process everything at once and my mind is constantly thinking about the next thing or what has to get done. I need to learn to be present in the moment and to not multitask, fully listen.
ReplyDeleteShe is right in how those old ways of practicing to engage conversation is do not help.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest take away I have is “listening to understand” the other person and their situation, not listening to respond so I feel like he/she knows I’m listening. Also, I agree with her that we need to be completely present and focused on the conversation. I have gotten better about putting done the phone and other physical distractions, but she is right that our mind needs to quit multitasking too. I need to keep practicing shutting down all the other thoughts pining through my head to listen to the conversation completely. “Conversations are not a promotional opportunity” is right and I am going to practice more of not just responding with a similar story and focus more on making that person realize their experiences are important as well. Remember to ask the open ended questions so that person can express everything about the story and situation. I struggle with repeating myself in that I reword it and say it without realizing that is what I am doing.
With my students, I am going to work on the open-ended questions and just completely stop the multitasking of my brain to solely focus on everything they are saying to give them the encouragement of knowing I am listening and wanting to talk with them. Also, I want to work on showing the students that I am listening to understand the students and conversation not listening to just respond to them.
With parents, I want to work more on with not responding with similar stories or situations and to give them the feeling that their situation is unique to them. This is where listening to understand is a very big part of working with parents. Also, I want to work on focusing my words and making sure that I am not just rewording the statement to drive a point home.
With colleagues, I am going to work on not restating my point in many different ways within the conversation. Like I said before I had not realized that is what I was doing and I can see how annoying that can be. I definitely want to work more on “listening with the intent to understand” and not the intent to reply. I feel like this tends to happen and I worry that if I am only listening and I don’t add a piece to the conversation that people think I am not listening.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteI think the one thing that is the most important/i need to incorporate more into conversations is being a good listener. I think of being a teacher is doing a lot of the talking because we are covering so much content, that sometimes we need to step back and just listen. I've gotten better about this especially with parents at conferences. Usually the parents that I need to talk to are the ones where their student is struggling/ being defiant. I have had parents use their meeting time to just lay out their frustrations with their kid and I just listen. Sometimes that's just want parents need is to have someone listen to them. With these conversations, I always like to let the parents know that they are doing a great job and know that their efforts are not going unnoticed. It also helps so that the parents are also not giving up on those students and they have support as well.
I feel like the one I should pick is listening. Sometimes I am so busy in my own world that I don’t put the phone down, stop working on the computer, or I am thinking of the million things that I need to get accomplished today. I need to really pay attention to what they are saying. And this goes with everyone, especially my students.
ReplyDeleteI want to focus on being present and listening to understand rather than to respond. It is easy to interrupt, multitask,, or prepare a reply instead of truly listening. I will maintain eye contact and allow them to finish their thoughts without interruption. This will help me understand their feelings and needs.
ReplyDeleteI'm terrible at listening and multi-tasking. I don't focus on things cause my mind is everywhere and I'm not always present. With my students, colleagues and parents, I need to be more present. I need to stop multi-tasking and actually listen. I can better connect with them and follow through with what needs to be accomplished.
ReplyDeleteI loved listening to Celeste Headlee in this TED talk. I myself learned some great things to do the next time I have a conversation. I agree with Celeste saying that the most important thing to do during a conversation is listen, but I did come up with three other topics when conversing with students, parents, and colleagues.
ReplyDeleteStudents - use open ended questions. I loved this point. When we use open ended questions with our students, it makes them dig a little deeper to think about their response and make it more interesting. One of my college professors said we should always ask kids "why?" and that goes along with what Celeste Headlee was saying.
Parents - go with the flow. So many times when having a conversation with parents, especially a difficult one, both parties get defensive. I love when she said "thoughts will come into your mind - let them go out of your mind." A lot of the times parents just talk at a pace in which their thoughts are going. It is ok to sit back, and let the conversation go with the flow. Let the parents say what they feel needs to be said, and then say what you have to say.
Colleagues - don't multitask. We all know teachers have so much to deal with. However, when having conversations with colleagues, be in that moment. Give them the 5 or 10 minutes they need to discuss matters. It is important to give them your full attention.
I believe in the world we are living everything goes so fast. I have difficulty with most of these. I am always multitasking, I lose listening to what is being said because I have questions swirling around in my head. I can see that I have a lot of improvement and I saw that in this book as well and with that, I have been catching myself and realizing that things CAN wait and I need to let go of those questions and I see it with others who I teach with. I need to listen better. I can write a good email and I can converse short discussions but I need to just listen more and talk less.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to students, I will try to be 100% focused on what a child is saying, more often, instead of doing so many things at once, while trying to listen and help them. For parents, I really need to be intentional about listening to understand and taking a breath, instead of thinking that I need be (in my mind) defensive. But, instead, think about what I can do to understand their perspective and better explain my reasoning, then, come up with a solution which will be the most beneficial for the student. Last of all, for colleagues, I need to be more present and hold back on telling them so much about my personal experiences and talk too much.
ReplyDeleteCeleste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDelete1) i think in my conversations with students the advice to always use open ended questions is fabulous. It does indeed allow the student a chance to not give a yes or no answer - instead - they will be able to think, reflect and piece together a full statement (or more) in order to answer the question.
2) in conversations with parents, i feel it is important to listen first - and then be brief in my answer. parents (or anyone really) just want to be heard. it is important to be engaged in the conversation and to be truly listening.
3) in conversations with colleagues, i think trying not to repeat yourself is important. if you've already stated something once during the conversation - it's really not necessary to have anything be stated again. i believe this is quite common in most conversations.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteOne of the ways that I will plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with my students is using open-ended questions. Students will often share the most brief and quick answer they can but if a person takes time to ask those open-ended questions, it can help not only the student to share more but to also strengthen that rapport with them. For parents, one thing I think is important is to be an active listener and really hone in on what they are saying. At the end of the day, no matter our personal opinions on the parents, we have to respect what they want/need. In order for any progress or positive interactions to be had, making sure that we're listening first is the most important thing. For my colleagues, one thing I need to try is to go with the flow. Starting out in your first year in your career can be scary, exciting, and stressful all at once. I often found myself overthinking about what my colleagues were like, what did they mean by that, are they upset, etc. and what I really needed to do was just go with the flow and realize that not everyone is going to treat everyone the same and that some people may just present with a more stern personality and that's okay, because all that matters at the end of the day is how I can be better each day for the students.
Something I would like to work on in my conversations with my students would be open ended questions and not making assumptions on how they feel but allow them to express what they feel themselves and take the time to think about how they are feeling. I would also like to work on not repeating/rephrasing myself. I feel I do this a lot with my own children.
ReplyDeleteSomething I would like to work on in conversations with my colleagues is not interjecting my experiences like they are the same as the person I’m talking to. Each experience is unique and although I’m trying to relate honestly I’m just taking the attention.
With my parents I would like to work on listening better to them. I often multitask and I can see how that’s communicating what they are saying isn’t important to me.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteI really resonated with the rule of not repeating yourself. As a teacher and a parent, I am guilty of this. In the moment, I'm generally frustrated and think I'm being assertive. But in reality I'm not proving anything. With parents, I need to work on not equating my experiences with theirs. A good example of this was at conferences last week. I have a daughter that is the same age as many of the students that I teach. When a parent was frustrated with their student and their behavior or grade, my go to strategy was to relate to them. Tell them how I understood what they are going through. I thought this would be helpful for them. Going forward, I am going to listen and respond with appropriate correspondence. When conversing with my coworkers, one thing I have really worked on is admitting when I don't know something. I have coworkers that can never be wrong. They know everything about everything and it makes talking with them unenjoyable. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I have nothing to lose by telling them the truth.
Celeste Headlee's presentation "10 ways to have a better conversation" was a great reminder of how to be a more involved listener and the skills needed to listen more affectively. This is an area I need to work on. I sometimes believe we have so much going on in our heads that we fail to be good listeners. I plan to be more attentive (fully there) and not be multitasking on other issues when caring on conversation with my students. When conversing with parents, I plan to ask more open ended questions and being brief in my responses, when asked. When caring on conversations with my colleagues, I plan on staying more brief and not comparing my past situations or trying to fix there personal stories or issues. I want to work on clearing my mind and learning about my colleagues cares and concerns, rather than building up my ego.
ReplyDeleteGreat Ted Talk. I do two of these things: I interrupt and I repeat. So that will be on my radar from now on. I also really have been making an effort to not be on my computer when my students are talking to me. I am trying to put my eyes and attention on my students when they are talking to me. I also share experiences instead of letting the other person share their full experience. I will be more aware of that from now on.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great TED talk to share! Such good advice on how to have better conversations. I think with students, I want to try to go with the flow more. As for parents, spouse, and my own kids, I want to try to incorporate being a better listener and using open-ended questions.
ReplyDeleteWith students, I want to focus on being present. Young children can quickly tell when someone is not fully listening, so giving them my full attention—making eye contact, getting down to their level, and truly listening—helps them feel valued and heard.
ReplyDeleteWith parents, I want to practice listening and allowing thoughts to come in and go out without immediately reacting. Sometimes parents simply need space to share their concerns or experiences. By listening fully and not rushing to respond, I can better understand their perspective and build stronger trust.
With colleagues, I want to remember not to assume that everyone’s experiences are the same and that conversations are not about proving ourselves. Instead, they should be about understanding one another and learning from different perspectives. This mindset can help create more respectful and productive collaboration.
I would like to really work on listening in all aspects of life. I really liked what she said about how conversations are not an opportunity to promote yourself. This is something my entire family is guilty of: we constantly want to one up each other in our stories. It has lead to us not truly having deep, meaningful conversations, but a lot of funny, good times. I would love to work on this with my students even when I feel like there is so much work to be done. Truly focus on them and make them feel loved and special when they are sharing their stories with me. This would be a great benefit with co-workers too. I'd love to get to really know people better and feel strong connections. It is a tough profession and having people in your corner is key to a successful work environment.
ReplyDelete1. Don't equate my experiences with theirs.. I have a habit of trying to connect or sympathize with others. Through this phrase I have learned to stop do this and just listen to their situation.
ReplyDelete2. Ask open ended questions.. I will try this with students to get more information from them other than yes or no.
3. If you don't know, say that you don't know. I use this to let my students know I have to look information up, because noone knows everything, and we are always learning.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteThe one I really try to incorporate into conversations with my students is not equating my experiences with theirs. I tend to think it shows that I am making a connection to them and after listening to her I don't think it does. I need to just listen to their experiences and understand where they are coming from.
That goes to the next one which is to actually listen. I am guilty of multitasking and not fulling listening at times. I know kids know if you are really listening with intention and I am going to try so hard to be much better at that.
The other one I want to focus on with my kids at school is just going with the flow. I like how she said that when ideas come into your head, they need to go out. That is just honest conversation and sometimes that's how you really get students to learn!
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteStudents: Use more open-ended questions. I think this is something that I need to do more with my students so that they are able to formulate better responses and we can have a deeper, more meaningful conversations.
Parents: Listen- I think I need to do a better job of listening to parents when they come and talk to me. Sometimes I think I just take over the conversation and tell the parents how their students are doing. I need to start listening to the parents to hear what they have to say about their child.
Colleagues: If you don't know- say that you don't know. I need to be more vulnerable with my colleagues and admit when I'm not sure how something works.
Students—try not to repeat myself and ask more open ended questions.
ReplyDeleteParents—listening and being brief. Tell them why I called and move on.
Colleagues—go with the flow and if I don’t know something, tell them.
Celeste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteStudents-As a counselor, open ended questions are wonderful. Sometimes I feel I ask too many, but I think for me is repeating things. Sometimes I ask the same question, a different time meeting with that student and then they look at me and say I already told you that. Now, am I going to forget things, yes absolutely. Kids just have a tougher understanding of why you can't just remember things.
Parents-keep things brief and to the point. They don't want to be on the phone for an hour nor do they want to see a page long email or remind message about their child. Keep things brief and to the point.
Colleagues-Being honest with saying I don't know. I wish I had all of the answers, but I don't. Just being up front with them or just say I don't know that answer, but I'll try and figure out an answer and get back to you.
You need to show you are interested, even when you are not. Engage by first listening, then speaking without coming across as a know it all or arrogant.
ReplyDeleteI loved Celeste Headlee's TED Talk! One strategy I plan to use is listening to understand instead of listening to respond. With student, parents and colleagues, I want to focus on truly hearing what others say so I can respond thoughtfully, build trust, and strengthen relationships.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this speakers suggestions on how to have better conversations with others, I think that she made some really great points. In conversations with everyone, need to do a better job of being present in the moment during conversations, not thinking about other things, truly listening to what the speaker has to say. I need to do a better job of entering every conversation as though I have something to learn. To the speakers point - “if don’t know, say you don’t know” I think this is critical when answering questions from students. When I have student teachers come in and take over the drug prevention lesson during my health classes, this is a point that I often make. Its okay to not have all of the answers - if you pretend like you do and give false information that kids know is untrue, you have discredited yourself from anything you’ve already taught and students may check out of the lesson.
ReplyDeleteCeleste Headlee, in her TED talk, shows us “10 Ways To Have A Better Conversation”. Which of the 10 ways do you plan on trying to incorporate in conversations with your students? …with parents? …with colleagues?
ReplyDeleteWith students, I plan on trying to incorporate not equating my experiences with theirs. Each student's situations are unique, and it is important that they feel hear rather than me sharing an experience of my or comparing it to other the experiences of other students. I need to remember that student may not need my advice. They may simply want someone to listen with full attention.
With parents, I plan on trying to use more open-ended questions during conversations. Questions that elicit more than a yes or now can help parents feel comfortable sharing more and lead to more meaningful and in-depth discussion. This also builds a stronger partnership between home and school.
With colleagues, I plan on trying not to multitask and listen more intentionally. I need to do a better job giving my full attention when my colleagues are talking. I need to set aside my computer and phone so they are not a distraction. I also need to practice not jumping in when they are talking and wait until it is my turn to talk. I also need to remind myself that my ideas are not always the best ideas. Giving my full attention will help my colleagues feel respected and valued.
All of Celeste Headlee strategies are worth implementing to have better conversations.